Next week I turn 21.
Never thought I would make it really, all the way into the realm of true adulthood, but here I am, about to cross over into that strange "Wow, the next big mark is 30" place. I feel very still inside. 21 - forgive me for saying this, but - it seems so old. 20 has been a good year for me, one of the hardest of my life to be sure, but definitely also one of the best. What comes next?
The weather here has hardened, a 'mild' day will get up into the upper forties and we wake each morning to the purr of our oil burning furnace and look outside to see the ground covered in sparkling white frost. The forests look thin and worn, the leaves that are left are no longer so flamboyantly colored, mostly rusts and burnt umbers prevail. The sun seems weakened, its light no longer holds the heat of summer, it is more liquid and transparent, it touches my skin like light yarn or cobwebs and is barely felt. The river has taken on the color of a troubled sky and churns with the excess of autumnal rains. The bustle of a busy summer is over, and something in me mourns over it. Fall is a lovely season, but its beauty is of the 'aching' kind, I am never quite sure if I like it or just can't wait for the brilliant snow of winter to come and cover all the dead leaves and mud.
Work has been going just fine, I enjoy every day of it. In spite of my myriad doubts, I love maintenance more than either the bakery or cashiering! I am surprised, but pleasantly so.
We had a delightful time two weeks ago when my grandma and aunt came up to visit. We took them to the coast and had a treat of a day wandering in and out of the little shops in Camden.
The younger boys are still hard against their school work, Mom has been sewing and knitting and over-seeing the guys. Dan is preparing for another interview with a police station in Vermont on the 1st of December. Besides all this, the boys have been working to insulate our little trailer, AND today, while I was cleaning up my room I smelled the distinct fragrance of cookies baking, chocolate cookies to be exact, the cut-out kind. My stomach does a bit of a flip - winter is coming! I have been knitting like some kind of a wool-fiend, in the past few weeks I have completed a pair of knee socks for my mom, two scarves, two potholders and am starting a shawl tomorrow or thereabouts. I LOVE to knit - what can I do but confess my undying love for that utterly satisfying feeling of loop after loop, click after click making a thing of warmth and beauty. Its delicious.
My time always runs out too soon, and I am left with a story that forever feels half-told! It is no more frustrating for me than for you, reader, I am sure! But, things like this happen, time does run out sometimes and sometimes stories can only be eeked out ever so slowly, day by day, week by week. I appreciate your patience with ours, and will be back as soon as it is possible!
Until then, peace to thee and thine, try to enjoy yourself, trust in the Lord and rejoice!
- - Ann
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Melancholy Day...
Hello, i hope everyone is in good health!
There is an awful cold going around up here that is sending people to the doctor to make sure that they don't have the dreaded "Swine Flu", and today, I just am not feeling at the top of my game! I worked from 4:30 am to 2:30 pm in the bakery, the second to the last day, for, I was hired last week for a full time maintenance position at the store. I start this coming Monday. It wasn't my first idea of a real good time, but I am very thankful, for it means a pretty decent pay raise and forty hours a week PLUS two full days off a week. I was working fourteen - seventeen days in a row just trying to get a full forty hours at minimum wage :) It means leaving the bakery and the front end (just as I was getting good at spotting fake IDs!!!) but I will still be able to see the people that I am friends with on an ongoing basis. The job change has given my family a somewhat peaceful outlook on this winter, my making more money will mean that we get fresh vegetables and can afford to insulate the bottom of the trailer!!
"Ta-da"... an important consideration when I think about the fact that it was in the 20s a couple of nights ago. Fall has come full force to Maine, the roadsides are brilliant and burn brightly with crimson and gold, orange, bronze, the mornings are crisp and the sky often has a mournful, melancholy look. Today the clouds lay in thick, dark bands across the sky, they seem the press in close - the fact that summer is indeed over is quite apparent. An unenthusiastic sprinkle or two falls across the library window, it is warm and bright inside and quiet in the strange, forced, rustling sort of way that libraries are always quiet in. It is so very strange to be here and not on some farm, getting ready for winter. I remember so well the excitement that preparing for the great 'settle down' would bring back home. Makes me kind of homesick.
Ok, it makes me really homesick. Everything in me - - right now - - aches to be 'home'.
This coming week, Dan and Mom are off once more, looking for a home for us. This time they venture to Vermont and New Hampshire, we will see what comes of it :) Dan has two very good opportunities in both states......
Oh, I am tired today, deep down inside, perhaps its this flu thing... maybe I just need some sleep, maybe its the weather! I don't know :) I guess I have been up since 3:00 am. That's just way too early unless you're going to go milk a cow or pick sweet corn for a farmer's market.
Well, there is the update - thank you for reading!
* Ann
There is an awful cold going around up here that is sending people to the doctor to make sure that they don't have the dreaded "Swine Flu", and today, I just am not feeling at the top of my game! I worked from 4:30 am to 2:30 pm in the bakery, the second to the last day, for, I was hired last week for a full time maintenance position at the store. I start this coming Monday. It wasn't my first idea of a real good time, but I am very thankful, for it means a pretty decent pay raise and forty hours a week PLUS two full days off a week. I was working fourteen - seventeen days in a row just trying to get a full forty hours at minimum wage :) It means leaving the bakery and the front end (just as I was getting good at spotting fake IDs!!!) but I will still be able to see the people that I am friends with on an ongoing basis. The job change has given my family a somewhat peaceful outlook on this winter, my making more money will mean that we get fresh vegetables and can afford to insulate the bottom of the trailer!!
"Ta-da"... an important consideration when I think about the fact that it was in the 20s a couple of nights ago. Fall has come full force to Maine, the roadsides are brilliant and burn brightly with crimson and gold, orange, bronze, the mornings are crisp and the sky often has a mournful, melancholy look. Today the clouds lay in thick, dark bands across the sky, they seem the press in close - the fact that summer is indeed over is quite apparent. An unenthusiastic sprinkle or two falls across the library window, it is warm and bright inside and quiet in the strange, forced, rustling sort of way that libraries are always quiet in. It is so very strange to be here and not on some farm, getting ready for winter. I remember so well the excitement that preparing for the great 'settle down' would bring back home. Makes me kind of homesick.
Ok, it makes me really homesick. Everything in me - - right now - - aches to be 'home'.
This coming week, Dan and Mom are off once more, looking for a home for us. This time they venture to Vermont and New Hampshire, we will see what comes of it :) Dan has two very good opportunities in both states......
Oh, I am tired today, deep down inside, perhaps its this flu thing... maybe I just need some sleep, maybe its the weather! I don't know :) I guess I have been up since 3:00 am. That's just way too early unless you're going to go milk a cow or pick sweet corn for a farmer's market.
Well, there is the update - thank you for reading!
* Ann
Monday, August 31, 2009
Oh, Joy- to be an Old Maid!
Hello there All,
I hope you are enjoying this lovely last day of August as much as I am!! It is sunny and cool here in the pine tree state, big white clouds are reflected in the glassy river below. The hurricane rains have passed, and it looks like we will be having delightful weather for a while now.
What a busy day!! I just got off work, done with my first shift as a cashier ( I have cross trained to get more hours..).... it sounds so simple, the saying of it doesn't half do justice to all of the training and preparation, the two nights of ringing up people in my sleep, the intensive "how to keep under aged people from buying alcohol" videos I had to watch, and the first nerve-wracking hour "going live". I am happy to report that after today, I only have three mistakes left to make before I have made them all and can do my job perfectly! It was a ball, and I am thankful to the many customers who helped me out and laughed at my flusteredness! What a day. I do enjoy it though, I love the 'peopl-y-ness' of it.
Having moved out of my bakery corner, I have entered another group of employees made up to a large degree of people my age and younger, 'kids' in short, who look at me and their eyes say, "She's old." It's a funny feeling, to be so old, not having seen my 21st year. I sit and knit socks for my brother on break, don't go out and party, wear glasses that fall down on the bridge of my nose, seem relatively (and I use that word lightly) level headed and think that milking goats is a pretty exciting thing to do on a Saturday night.... hmmmmm, maybe I am old. The fact that adds injury to the accusation of old age is that I don't have a boyfriend...... (go ahead and insert loud gasp here, not even a man to share my last years of dotage with ). When I revealed this fact to one of the younger cashiers, she gasped, as did my supervisor. "WHAT, you don't' have a boyfriend???" Wait - - it gets worse. I've NEVER had one. "You've NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND?" Oh dear, I am an old maid... and I love it :) Finally, I am old enough to realize that what is worth waiting for is worth waiting for ( full, deep sigh of freedom and delight). I have no need to scurry around with half a dozen guys to prove my worth as a woman, I am worth waiting for. I am living a life right now that will someday complement my man's and I am not ashamed of that! I intend to be an old maid until the day that I am married. Often, I hear the argument, "Well, how are you going to know 'the one' if you never date around?" My answer is continually that I am trusting the Lord. I don't think that we trust Him radically enough. God is able to bring two people together for their good and His glory, and until He does, I don't think they have any business trying to fit puzzle pieces together that don't match!!! How does it work? I don't know, but there are a ton of things I can't figure out right now ( like how to process an order where they want to pay partly with a check and partly with a card...) but I do know the One who knows how EVERYTHING will work out.
Waiting is a gift.. every day is the chance to pray for my man out there somewhere, waiting for me against the advice of his peers, everyday I get to learn a little more about this life that someday I will share with another. Not that it is never hard, but the good things are often the hardest to come by. I know that my husband will receive a heart that has never been fully given away, a kiss that still has the "do not tamper" seal on it, a hand that will forever and only ever be his, and a wife that wants to follow him wherever he may lead (maybe he will be able to come up with a better plan than milking goats on Saturday nights). Now - isn't that worth waiting for??? Can you understand why I embrace my slightly 'old maid-ish' side? To the world it says, "OLD", to those who understand, it says, "WISE". Plus, my brother will truly appreciate the socks.....
Ah well, my soap box preacher has been satisfied for a while. I could hardly spill that all over reheated soup in the lunchroom. Maybe I should have though, who's gonna teach these kids the right way if their elders won't? :)
As to family news, Nick and Jon are back to school.... we haven't heard much from them since ( hahaha) Dan has received a couple of applications from police departments in Vermont, both with favorable tones ( Do I hear the sound of packing tape being used??), and Mom and I are waiting. I am sucking all of the joy out of Maine that I can while I am still here to enjoy it and am once again holding my breath for a long leap into....... what?
I have used my time - thanks for stopping by and reading about us, I admire beyond belief anyone willing to read these ramblings. :) God bless you.
Until next time,
Ann, the proudest old maid of them all ......
I hope you are enjoying this lovely last day of August as much as I am!! It is sunny and cool here in the pine tree state, big white clouds are reflected in the glassy river below. The hurricane rains have passed, and it looks like we will be having delightful weather for a while now.
What a busy day!! I just got off work, done with my first shift as a cashier ( I have cross trained to get more hours..).... it sounds so simple, the saying of it doesn't half do justice to all of the training and preparation, the two nights of ringing up people in my sleep, the intensive "how to keep under aged people from buying alcohol" videos I had to watch, and the first nerve-wracking hour "going live". I am happy to report that after today, I only have three mistakes left to make before I have made them all and can do my job perfectly! It was a ball, and I am thankful to the many customers who helped me out and laughed at my flusteredness! What a day. I do enjoy it though, I love the 'peopl-y-ness' of it.
Having moved out of my bakery corner, I have entered another group of employees made up to a large degree of people my age and younger, 'kids' in short, who look at me and their eyes say, "She's old." It's a funny feeling, to be so old, not having seen my 21st year. I sit and knit socks for my brother on break, don't go out and party, wear glasses that fall down on the bridge of my nose, seem relatively (and I use that word lightly) level headed and think that milking goats is a pretty exciting thing to do on a Saturday night.... hmmmmm, maybe I am old. The fact that adds injury to the accusation of old age is that I don't have a boyfriend...... (go ahead and insert loud gasp here, not even a man to share my last years of dotage with ). When I revealed this fact to one of the younger cashiers, she gasped, as did my supervisor. "WHAT, you don't' have a boyfriend???" Wait - - it gets worse. I've NEVER had one. "You've NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND?" Oh dear, I am an old maid... and I love it :) Finally, I am old enough to realize that what is worth waiting for is worth waiting for ( full, deep sigh of freedom and delight). I have no need to scurry around with half a dozen guys to prove my worth as a woman, I am worth waiting for. I am living a life right now that will someday complement my man's and I am not ashamed of that! I intend to be an old maid until the day that I am married. Often, I hear the argument, "Well, how are you going to know 'the one' if you never date around?" My answer is continually that I am trusting the Lord. I don't think that we trust Him radically enough. God is able to bring two people together for their good and His glory, and until He does, I don't think they have any business trying to fit puzzle pieces together that don't match!!! How does it work? I don't know, but there are a ton of things I can't figure out right now ( like how to process an order where they want to pay partly with a check and partly with a card...) but I do know the One who knows how EVERYTHING will work out.
Waiting is a gift.. every day is the chance to pray for my man out there somewhere, waiting for me against the advice of his peers, everyday I get to learn a little more about this life that someday I will share with another. Not that it is never hard, but the good things are often the hardest to come by. I know that my husband will receive a heart that has never been fully given away, a kiss that still has the "do not tamper" seal on it, a hand that will forever and only ever be his, and a wife that wants to follow him wherever he may lead (maybe he will be able to come up with a better plan than milking goats on Saturday nights). Now - isn't that worth waiting for??? Can you understand why I embrace my slightly 'old maid-ish' side? To the world it says, "OLD", to those who understand, it says, "WISE". Plus, my brother will truly appreciate the socks.....
Ah well, my soap box preacher has been satisfied for a while. I could hardly spill that all over reheated soup in the lunchroom. Maybe I should have though, who's gonna teach these kids the right way if their elders won't? :)
As to family news, Nick and Jon are back to school.... we haven't heard much from them since ( hahaha) Dan has received a couple of applications from police departments in Vermont, both with favorable tones ( Do I hear the sound of packing tape being used??), and Mom and I are waiting. I am sucking all of the joy out of Maine that I can while I am still here to enjoy it and am once again holding my breath for a long leap into....... what?
I have used my time - thanks for stopping by and reading about us, I admire beyond belief anyone willing to read these ramblings. :) God bless you.
Until next time,
Ann, the proudest old maid of them all ......
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